Lately it seems life has gotten more hectic around here. Tyler is on the verge of walking… baby #4 is starting to kick, and as time goes, she will be here before we know it (September). The Peterberry household I’d say is officially adjusted to Avery’s transition to living here full-time. We all still look forward to the 50% we get with Chase. Oh, and don’t forget those two dogs who still love their twice daily walks.
With the onset of summer and baby #4 in the house, I find myself thinking “Who’s the Stranger in my Bed?”
Oh that guy….that’s my husband. Long ago are the “kid free weekends” we used to share. The ones where we reconnected, doing adult things (think beer flights and chicken wings). We are still able to sneak a little time in together while Tyler naps, but things always seem to pop up. Take this weekend for example… Avery didn’t want to be at her moms, so she came to stay over Saturday. Am I going to turn her down? Of course not! I support her first and have the mantra, “put the kids first,” even when it was just the older two.
Even our bed times are now separate. I go to bed early because I’m pregnant and always seem to be the lucky one waking at 6am with Tyler. My husband, bless his heart, is a night owl by trade, so I can’t really tell you when he goes to bed.
But what will that look like for my marriage 18 years down the road? It already feels like my husband has become my roommate.
Lately, I’ve been thinking that this must be part of the destruction of marriage. It’s not the children’s fault, but we seem to make it their fault by always putting them first. I started to wonder, “will I even know my husband in 18 years with all these kids running around?” I don’t want this marriage to fail like my husband’s first and I don’t want my children to cope with what the older berries face because of a divorce.
When I talked with parents around me, I found that I wasn’t alone… their lives seems to be even crazier. I heard of multiple kids activities over the course of a weekend and how mom and dad separated and chauffeured. Wait, you don’t even get to enjoy the soccer games together?!?!
Then I heard the advice, “just make sure to have a date night…it’s cheaper than a divorce lawyer.” In the moment, with the cost and difficulty of finding a babysitter, it may not seem cheaper. And what if I want to be a part of the kids activities going on? It’s hard to leave them when I already left them 40+ hours to work. But at the same time, I don’t want my husband to leave me! So I find myself asking, “what can I do to make sure this marriage survives?”
Now, I’m not sure what the magic formula or answer is, but I am excited about something that may help. I love following Marriage 365 on Instragram and it seems that I’m not alone in my feelings.
This week, Marriage 365 is hosting one of their live Webcasts and it’s called, “How to Save Your Marriage from your Kids.” You can tune in live or they will send you a recording (because of those busy lives we have mentioned above). You can join me in signing up. The live Webcast will be this Wednesday, May 18th.