I started this post while Tyler was a baby, but now that Kennedy is here I’m reminded of the changes that a baby brings to a blended family.
When I was pregnant with Tyler, many people would say to me, “Just wait and see how close this baby will make your family.”
Of course, always the cynic, I didn’t believe them. I thought that if anything, the baby would bring jealousy and turmoil. I’d watched it happen with other blended families…why would mine be any different?
But you know what? PEOPLE WERE RIGHT!
Having an “our baby” really did bring our whole family closer together.
Now my disclaimer: I’m not suggesting if the foundation of your marriage or blended family is rocky that a baby is a miracle. Things needs to be pretty stable on their own.
Here are three ways this changed our family:
- My husband says motherhood changed me, so maybe the change came from within, but having Tyler seems to have made us more of a family unit.
If I were to analyze this change, I think it came from the shift in feelings I felt. Beforehand, I had feelings of being the outcast. The nucleus of our family seemed to be my husband and his children. I love them all, but sometimes it felt like I was living his previous life. He and the children were the center.
Having our own children changed that feeling in me. Now I truly feel our family is centered around or marriage. The four children we have are built around that. Avery and Chase come and go as their blended schedules allow, but Jamie and I are still there at the center. I think having kids constantly in the house helped that shift.
2. The other change I saw from this baby was how the older berries treated me.They saw me as a mother. I am not just “Sari,” I’m a mom. Early on after Tyler, Chase confirmed this when he said, “You’re probably really excited for someone to call you mom, huh?” That’s not to say they think I’m their mom. I’m not looking for that, but when they saw me as a mother figure, it changed something in their demeanor.
3. Finally, and most importantly, a baby allowed me to observe something precious. Watching Avery and Chase hold their newer siblings and interact with them taught me a lesson. It reminded me that it doesn’t matter who “belongs to who.” It doesn’t matter who has what mom… they love their sibling with all their hearts.
This was further highlighted when Avery came home upset one day. Her friend told her that Tyler wasn’t really her brother. We had to have a conversation about how people who aren’t in a blended family don’t understand. We don’t use “half” to talk about a sibling we love with all our hearts… just like we shy away from “step” as well.
I couldn’t imagine our family without Chase and Avery.
I couldn’t imagine our family without Tyler, and now Kennedy. A baby made our family feel more like a cohesive unit, one where everyone has a place!